weird dream

had a weird dream this morning...Alex and i were gonna meet for dinner, he was running a little late. i got there and the waiters were putting together tables nearby for a big party. a couple of the women who were with the party sat down and recognized me. i didn't have a clue who these people were. then the rest of the party showed. The two ladies shouted to Clau to see that i was there and she ended up giving me the dirtiest look when Alex finally showed. i went to him to see if we could just leave and we did. We ended up at a fair or circus or something and he ended up winning me some stuffed bears. We went back to the hotel we were staying in and while heading to our room, i ran into some girls i knew in high school, DeeDee and Lana. They were working as maids but had a singing group that they put together and invited Alex and i to go. However i wanted to get some sleep first (don't you love it when you want sleep while you are actually sleeping?). On our way back to the room, Gary Busey shows up and tries to grab me. i yell at him not to touch me. In return, he calls me a son of a bitch in which i responded "daughter, thank you, very much". Alex and i race to the room at this point because who knows what Gary would do. When we get there, the room doesn't look like it did when we left but it is our room because we see our things there. i go to lock the door but it didn't have locks, however there was an outer glass door that had a turn key to lock the door but it wouldn't stop once locked so you had to pay attention how far you turned it. i noticed that it was locked but i also then noticed that there was a mouse trapped inside this glass door. i screamed and ran into the room and the alarm went off.

long time coming

been busy with crafty stuff and reading bunches of ian rankin books that mom sent me. this year has been very roller coaster with the death of my grandmother and more foot problems. i'm very thankful that i still have my job that i love and that alex is working with the county nearby. i'm thankful to have our wonderful cats although they sometimes drive me crazy. i'm hoping to get some writing done soon after the holidays and hopefully that will help me drive some demons out as there are times i'm still haunted, causing me to wonder how much of it is my own doing. gotta love the holidays and ending of the year to make re-evaluations come to light.

Feliz Navidad!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fe11OlMiz8

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/28033327#28033327

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vn55ZdmBPJ4

girly

actually did something girly today...i had my very first pedicure! i've got me some pretty toes!

"no such thing as pledged delegate"?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/04/04/AR2008040401222.html

i have lost even more respect for billary

how the tex was won

although the count has still not come in the caucus results i think i might know how billary won the primary thanks to family

talked to mom last week. as the only known open democrat in my family besides Uncle Bobby (although i wouldn't doubt aunt cathy being a closeted democrat...no pun intended) it is always interesting getting perspective from the republicans in my family. my uncle Eddie who subscribes to Rush Limbahness voted for billary. This was the first time i had seen a possible trend spoken on cnn to come true. Eddie voted for billary in the open primary because he does feel that she would be easier to beat come November. wow. with texas being a republican state i now can see where billary would have gotten the votes.

on a side note, my father still claims me to be family since i will not be voting her.

disappointed

warning: i may contradict myself in this blog

I'm bothered most by responses to the Wright clips on the web and the responses to Obama's speech in regards to Wright. Wright obviously at one point or another did teach Obama good christian values as he will not disown or turn away from someone whom may have said some things to disappoint them. He did not run from the comments and in this action/speech i still admire Obama but fear that most of us, myself included, have lost touch in being more forgiving.

I have, in the past, turned my back on people somewhat close to me because of being hurt by them. My father had let me down in more ways than one and I have never been able to truly say goodbye to him to this day although he has already passed on. More recently, a friend passed judgment on me for a decision Alex and myself had made. Her judgments hurt me a great deal and caused me to start doubting trust. I turned my back on her. I can justify this that the problems I had with these people affected my health in which it did. I need to forgive myself for turning my back on these people before I can remotely forgive them. I just wonder sometimes if I truly want to forgive them.

Happy St. Paddy's Day

Hope everyone is having good day today and wearing green. I've been sick most morning but hopefully this afternoon will be better.

Been reading books so I'm feeling a little smarter. I won the biggest loser thingy last week but definitely lost out this week.

Drama with family and I don't know how long that will go on so please keep us in your prayers.

I'm gonna try and eat something and then prolly head into work since I'll be missing some on Friday for denist.

just been a little under the weather...my body not liking me much

i'll try and keep this short

doing a "biggest loser" type of thing at work so that should be fun

the past thursday & friday were training so didn't get anything done at work

next weekend is the father-in-laws birthday so hopefully that will be ok

more soon, promise

made me smile

civic duty

did early voting today...really hope i can see obama on friday!!!!!

head's too big

my head feels like it's gonna explode but i shouldn't complain too much. v-day came early in that my puter crapped out thursday & friday. friday, Alex got me a new computer....yay!!!!!!!! so no flowers to rub in any co-worker's faces, not that i would do that (giggle). no chocolate, although i wasn't planning any chocolate anyways because i'm seeing the denist for the first time in over 10 years on the 14th (tremble). which reminds me i'm a good niece because i called my uncle this week. i'm a good daughter because i remembered to pick up a b-day card. i'm a decent daughter-in-law because we visited the mother-in-law yesterday. i'm a good wife because i actually did laundry today and i'm a healthy wife because i went to the gym the past two days. i'm so looking forward to having the next few days off because my legs and arms feel like they want to fall off. i'm waiting for this load to finish in the dryer so i can put those away and then transfer the wash to the dryer and hit the sack. need to find out what tonight's movie is. i have to go to sleep with a movie on. it started out as having to have the radio on in jr. high and once i got a tv in my bedroom in high school movies have been the way to go. also way to go to obama!!!!! i missed most of the grammy coverage tonight. didn't they get the memo not to coincide with my law & order ci marathon? i know i'm just mumbling tonight. head hurts, remember.

just a small whimper

I don't think I'm gonna give anything up for lent this year. It's usually hard for me to think of what to give up because I tend to have to give up a lot of things already due to the IBS.

My temper has been eratic lately which hasn't been good. I was sick last week with migraine and was out all day Friday. Still feel like I'm playing catch up because on top of my regular work, I've had to train with a new procedure for the research at work. I'm so happy that it's Thursday though. Back to my temper...I tend to be really loyal. If I could, I would give out money to those in need. Today, a co-worker asked for money. I was glad to help. Since I have the nissan today, I thought she could go with me. She really didn't want to. My temper flared in which made me feel like she was a little ungrateful since I was going to be getting money for her but she would rather not go with me. I was readjusting my lunch plans for her. I finally thought it over after I got the money and was in line for lunch (since I now had to pick up lunch). I decided to just get over it and as a gesture (her not even knowing I was upset) I got her a smoothie at the place I went to. When I brought it in, she didn't believe I had gotten it for her. That made me feel better than just giving her the money. Maybe I can still make progress.

In other health news, seems that maybe exercise has taken my IBS to the other extreme. We'll have to wait and see after lunch!!!!

Such a pity

Every time I hear Weezer's "Such a Pity" I imagine a video with the Clintons and Obama. It makes me smile!

Faking it

Can't fake my excitement for tonight's win!!!! It was so great to watch the turn out although Alex was scared by the early percentages thinking it may change with more precincts coming in but it didn't. Definitely gives me hope.

The other faking I'm referring to has been regarding friendship in the past. The new year will always cause one to reflect on mistakes so that you can learn from them. In college, I had a friend that would talk bad about people behind their back and did it in a way that you would agree with them. It took me too long to figure this out and you would think I would learn from that.

I hadn't really even with the latest casualty in the groups of friends I have. I had confided stuff in the past but never received judgment against anything I had confided until recently. I prefer honesty but when responses I were getting kept changing I couldn't determine what was real anymore. I don't like being fake. I have to be at work unfortunately but luckily I have a few people I can be myself with there.

I want to believe in people but it's gotten harder. I can count on one hand the people I now rely on to being able to confide in and only one person who knows all my secrets, which is Alex, of course. I'm addicted to watching Sex in the City because I want to believe that that is possible. To be able to be friends with women and to be able to confide with them is something that can be achieved. But that's a tv show that is fake.

Changes

There have been so many changes going on this year and it's only January. Ok, so changes have been taking place a little before hand. Last month was all about drama and this month I'm actually starting to feel calmness after the storm. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Of course, I have to thank my wonderful hubby for helping me through it all (insert cheesy sigh now). After close to 9 years, I think I actually love him more now than ever. But enough about that.

I hate relying on the fact that I'm a minority down here. Communication or I say miscommunication is a factor daily for me whether it be a language barrier or because I have a different mindset than a lot of folks down here. My music tastes seem to differ and I know my politics differ.

I had a conversation with a friend recently who lives abroad. I was telling her about trying to keep up with the politics this year. She called herself ignorant for not knowing more of our system. I don't like that word because I believe ignorance to lead to hate and to prejudgments. I told her this and told her I preferred uninformed. However I was surprised to still hear some ignorant statements even from my in-laws. Alex had told me that his parents were a little racist but I hadn't really heard or seen it until recently. My father in law didn't use the "n" word but he still used some terms that made me feel uncomfortable. I knew that there had been some discussions that some people are still racist down here. My first case of that was when I got injured at work. I needed to get a list of doctors available for me to go to. I got a list but was "warned" that one doctor was black. Hell, that decided it for me. He was the doctor for me. I continue to go see him. I haven't told my in-laws this not because of how they might act but it doesn't make a difference to me. However, it's gonna come up soon I'm sure.

My in-laws are republicans. What can I do? I love Alex and am grateful that he and I at least share some of the same political views. We have discussed politics a little bit but not at great length. Alex and I are currently supporting Barak Obama. We want to get bumper stickers. I support Mr. Obama for a lot of things and I supported him before I found out about my in-laws but in the same case once I found out about them, I wanted to really spout of my political leanings much like how I chose my doctor. However, I know that is really not their concern because they shouldn't affect me so. If my mother-in-law still cannot spell my first name properly after 9 years and often forgets I'm allergic to almonds, I should simply get over it. They have their own voice. And now, I have found mine again.